Cindy Frost

I've decided to join in on the Elf on the Shelf madness. I started one week early simply because I needed something to lift my five year olds spirits (I will refer to said child as 'Bunny') because she was stuck in her room for five days battling the flu, two ear infections, a sinus infection, and strep throat. Yup, it's that time of the year where parents let their children go to school sick and pass it on to their poor classmates. I'm getting sidetracked...

For those who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, The Elf on the Shelf is a tradition that was started by Carol Aebersold and kept alive by lunatic parents (like myself) to foster the thought of another holiday being.  We (the parents) think up of daily clever ways (a few days short of a month) to amuse our child/ren through silly elf antics. Every night your elf (or elves) will fly to the North Pole to report to Santa on their families and then returns the next morning in a new place and position around the house.

I must admit though, I'm fairly certain I am having more fun planning out our sprites tomfoolery more than Bunny's excitement to see what her elf was up to the night before. 

Please welcome Cindy Frost, our very own Elf on the Shelf… and tree, counter tops, chairs, ceiling…

Day 1
Cindy Frost is comfortable among our Christmas tree scoping out her new home.

Day 2
Cindy Frost left soups and other 'get well' goodies for Bunny to recover from the flu.

Day 3
Found playing in a drawer of scarves and mittens.

Day 4 
Looks like Cindy Frost caught Bunny's flu.

Day 5
Cindy Frost added the strings to all of Bunny's sun catchers she painted the night before. 

Day 6
Caught eating mini Kisses under the tree.

Day 7 
Taking a nebulizer treatment inside of Mr. Butterknuckles's igloo. (Note the drawing of Cindy Frost and a snowman which Bunny drew for her.)

Day 8
Rappelling down a candy cane chain from the ceiling one early morning.

Day 9
Cindy Frost, our elf on the shelf.

Day 10
I can't remember what the heck Cindy Frost was up to today? I really need to start making a list.

Day 11
Bunny found her elf climbing up our Christmas tree!

Day 12
Looks like Cindy Frost got stuck in the tin can trying to get out some ornaments.

Day 13
Welcome to Fort Christmas Frost

Day 14
I don't think Cindy Frost knows that Bunny's goldfish are pets, not game.

Day 15
Look who we found hanging upside down on the wreath while we were going outside to set up our Christmas lights this morning!

July Photo Challenge (Accepted)

I know it's completely late in the year, but I thought it'd be entertaining (at least to myself) to participate in the #PhotoADay challenge.

Here's July:

 

The Goldfish Tales

Whenever there is any sort of carnival in town we always take the kiddo. She makes sure of it, too. Where ever we drive there she is in the backseat scoping out the area. She especially loves it when we're driving on the expressway so she can survey the dry valley land for any indication of ferris wheels, roller coasters, and waving over-sized flags filling the sky.

In January we took her to a local church carnival that had more over-priced games than actual kiddie rides. And of course there was a ball tossing game to win goldfish. It was inevitable. Mr. Winey and myself didn't think she'd actually win a goldfish tossing those hollow bouncy balls in a tiny fish bowl. But on the fourth try she proved us wrong. Not only did she win on her fourth try, she won on the fifth try as well. Luckily, there was an older kid who tried his hand at winning with thirty-five losses and we offered him one of our fish. The kiddo wasn't so happy but the carny distracted her with a new, malnourished goldfish.

It only took five days before Goldfish Winey (insert out surname here) died. Ugh, I couldn't let my baby girl know because just a few weeks before our dog, Adagio Amadeo, died. So instead I called my sister and had her rush to PetsMart to purchase a replacement. I texted her a pic and everything to match our belly up pet. In the meantime we distracted the kiddo with games and books and when my sister arrived Mr. Winey put our baby girl in the shower so I could clean out the tank and replace Goldfish Winey.

Another four days passed and Goldfish Winey #2 was belly up yet again! I know, I know. I promise I didn't overfeed him. I'm thinking it was the kiddo since the fish was still a novelty and she loved watching him chow down those flakes all the time. Here we go again. We dropped off the kiddo with Grandma Nana and made a trip to Wal-Mart to replace Goldfish Winey yet again.

Three months have passed and Goldfish Winey #3 is still alive... until he isn't that night and is floating sideways swaying with the ripples made by the filter. Sigh. This is getting ridiculous. I took off to PetsMart the next morning to get ANOTHER Goldfish Winey (this is number four by the way) and set everything up before Little Miss Diva woke up. She didn't notice anything other than a black spot he had on his tail (upper caudal fin for those of you technical punks) and asked "why is his belly so very white?" I figured not being in the sun would turn the fish white anyway so I went with that.

If you've been following along with my goldfish journey on Twitter then I'm pretty sure you're familiar on what happened next just last week when Goldfish Winey #4 passed on. Poor little fucker became so fat he got stuck between the fake aquarium plant and the glass and drowned. *gigglesnort*

This time, my baby girl noticed he was gone and asked what happened? She looked like she was about to cry so I told her I took him to PetsMart so they could clean him because he was getting so diry. It worked. When I came home with a shiny new goldfish sans black tail spot, she was excited! Phew. On that same trip, I also bought an "allergy eater" so I don't have to keep cleaning out the tank every two weeks. Even with a filter those damn fish are so dirty.

So here we are today. We have Goldfish Winey #5, Sunbright (another goldfish we bought as a companion between Goldfish Winey #2 and #3), and Strawberry our allergy eater, uh, algae eater. You'll also be glad to know I moved the plant over so we don't have anymore mishaps with overgrown goldfish. And if anymore fish die I'm simply going to fess up and tell the kid the truth. No more trips to the pet store for this winey mamma!

A month, some tears, and living

Today marks one month from that dreadful night I woke up with a startling sharp pain in my stomach, back cramps, and minutes later water flowing from me. I always seem to remember that moment daily and how scared I was and realizing (in the back of my mind) the inevitable has happened. I just knew it.

I've had people ask me why I still have my posts up on Facebook about being pregnant and even losing our son. In reply, why would I delete them? I was happy that I was pregnant. I feel that if I delete anything pertaining to that part of my life it'd be like it never happened. As though my baby boy didn't exist. I've even held him. Touched him. Cried over him. He did exist and I felt the physical changes within me daily. Reading my excitement and announcement to all my friends makes me smile if I happen to scroll down to my newsfeed.

I must admit that it's still too difficult for me to see posts of other friends and their sonogram pics, new baby pics, baby announcements, etc. I have actually unsubscribed from their feeds to avoid any baby mention. It's not that I'm mad at them, it just hurts mentally. And they're so happy and I'm so miserable. For whatever reason, it's harder to see someone who I know personally that is pregnant or just had a baby than it is to walk by a passing stranger in the store. I've also noticed how my family avoids any mention of babies and pregnancy or anything related around me. I see it in their faces when they're about to and immediately change the subject. I know it. They know. It's just avoided which I'm thankful for.

At the same time I feel a little less sorrowful and a little more cheerful. I'm back online, I'm answering phone calls now, replying to texts, commenting and tweeting... I'm getting back to normal. It doesn't feel like thirty days has passed and I don't remember what I've been doing in that time frame. Going through the motions of day to day I suppose. I think my baby girl has gotten me back on track. I was so proud of her at her Pre-K awards assembly, having fun with her during her school's outdoor field day, having lunch with her everyday last week, and I got excited about this summer and all of the activities she's going to be in!

Physically I'm doing quite a bit better. Though, I would be so very happy if my headaches have completely ceased. That's not the case, unfortunately. They're terrible.

I think this will be my last post for a long while that I speak about my baby Andrew. I feel as though I've shared enough with everyone and I feel good enough to finally accept what has happened to me and my family. As surreal as it's been, it's done. I want to be my old snarky self again. Be happy. To be content. Crying has been my medicine and is healing me. I'll be fine and I can't wait to finally have my girls night that I've been putting off. It's time to get back out and be strong.

Continuing...

It's been two weeks since our family lost our baby, Andrew, and two weeks since I've shut off the world. I stopped tweeting, turned off my phone to ignore everyone who called or texted. I let my computer die off. I wouldn't let my love tell me that so and so called to check up on me. I became a hermit.
I didn't want to read any texts about how sorry everyone was because it was just a constant reminder. I didn't want to read any notifications from my phone that I might have received on Facebook, Twitter, personal email, etc. But today I forced myself to get up. I got dressed and painstakingly made my trip the obstetrician for my check-up from that terrifying day. After my visit I suddenly felt better, as though a weight was lifted from my heart. He told me I was (physically) fine and that we could even start trying to conceive again if it was something that we had discussed in private. Let me tell you, I have thought about it. I thought about having to go through another high risk pregnancy, losing another baby and that's just something I know I won't be able to handle. My doctor tried to console me and gave me encouraging words that this probably won't happen again.
Right now though, everyday I'm reminded that I'm not pregnant. From television commercials, baby magazines the doctors office signed me up for to the new movie previews of What to Expect when Expecting. Even my body is insistent upon reminding me. The sharp pains left behind from the D&C, the throbbing headaches, tension neck aches and backaches from the epidural, prenatal vitamins which I must continue taking… it's terrible. I'm not sure how women can move on from this being that this has been the most traumatic experience I've had to face; a nightmare.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm grieving. I continue to think about holding my stillborn baby in my hands. His tiny toes, thin fingers, little belly, my little angel. To describe it would be an exercise in futility. It is the sort of suffering that cannot be done justice with words. I can say only this - that [it] is an anguish from which one never recovers. A walking death. (Seth Grahame-Smith) Writing, even just a tad about this is helping as tears stream over my face. But it's therapeutic. I've tried looking into local mommy therapy groups but having to hear over and over about everyones experience is too much for me. Pen and paper have been my way out of my head and I'm feeling better. I laughed today. A lot. Thanks to my sister and an Ellen skit.
I even ate today! in public no less, with my mom and sister. I've lost quite a few pounds through these past fifteen days which I was quickly reprimanded for. Again, I'm feeling better and now I'm sharing my little story with anyone who wants to listen, read, give advice, or is just curious.
Mr. Winey has been the most caring, supportive, and completely understanding man for me through all of this. I thought this episode would distance us. Instead it has brought us together as we continue to cope and has given us someone to rely on and that's more than what I can ask for at the moment.
I know I'll simply never "get over it" and it'll be something that has made me stronger as I learn to continue to manage these grim feelings. But for now, I do want to thank everyone who has sent us their condolences, flowers, phone calls, texts, comments, tweets, DM's, emails, hugs, smiles, encouraging words, and their friendship and knowing that you're all there for us. Reading all of that today has lifted my spirits and I'm so appreciative to have great friends - physical and online friends. Thank you.

The announcement

This has been such a nerve-racking and worrying pregnancy. To help you understand why I haven't announced what other mamas are just busting at the seams to broadcast to every contact in their phone book/friends list, here is a little, yet terrifying breakdown of mine and the babies 15 week development:

Monday, February 20, 2012
I had been sick for about three days and just couldn't take it anymore. I started on a nebulizer treatment and took OTC sinus/cold medications which didn't help at all. Once at the clinic my doctor wanted to have an X-ray of my chest to rule out pneumonia. Good thing I had a suspicion that I might've been pregnant... I was!

Monday, February 27. 2012
Approx. 5wks 6ds
Skipped ahead seven days later and I started to bleed. My heart seemed to stop, I felt dizzy at the sight of it and was immediately admitted into the hospital for observation. My doctor comforted me and said that minimal bleeding is normal this early in the pregnancy. (Yet, the doctor stated that this was a threatened miscarriage.) I was a little at ease since I didn't have any cramping, but anxious all the same.

Monday, March 5, 2012
Approx. 6 wks 6ds
I started bleeding again. This time, it was quite a bit. I felt faint at the site of it and just knew something wrong was going on inside of me. After another sono, I was diagnosed with placenta previa. Not that that news made me feel any better, but at least there was an explanation for these occurrences and that I could be one of the few who's condition is alleviated months before birth.

Monday, March 26, 2012
Approx. 9wks 6ds
Still light bleeding, but nothing like before. Phew. The babies heartbeat is still strumming strong, she or he is moving a lot, and I'm still on bed rest... week four of agonizing bed rest. But, anything to not put myself or baby in any danger.

Monday, April 9, 2012
Approx. 10 wks 6 dys
Yet, another check-up and the sono revealed that the placenta has yet to budge. Optimism is something that I've never been able to master, yet at this point, I'll try anything. Hearing the babies solid heartbeat comforts me and it's the one thing that allows me to try my hand at having a positive attitude during this chapter in my life.

Friday, April 27, 2012
Approx. 15 wks 4ds
I'm finally feeling better, holding in my food, getting out of bed more often and my mom decides to treat me out to dinner. I might add that all instances of spotting/bleeding have completely ceased and that optimism thing seems to be working.
As soon as we arrive at the restaurant, I immediately go to the restroom since the baby is using my bladder as his or her personal squeeze toy. On my way, I slip on water, fall flat on my side, hear the entire restaurant gasp in alarm and I have three waiters rush to my side. At this point, I'm in shock, embarrassed and seriously, I really have to pee.
I do my business and as soon as I'm relieved, the pain begins. I pulled something on the side of my tummy, there are pains in my lower belly, oh my gawd, something is happening and I start freaking out. I might be in labor.
I'm rushed to the ER via an ambulance courtesy of the restaurant and seen straightaway. Sono is taken and everything is fine. Even my placenta seems to have moved up. I'm released just a short two hours later, bruised, sore, but content that baby and I will be fine... for now.
Recommendation from the doctor: More bed rest. Fine.

Monday, April 30, 2012
Approx. 16 wks
Here we are today. I'm doing well, still on bed rest, and just a little grumpy that I can't do much. But, as long as the baby is fine and healthy I'm happy and at ease.
Oh, did I mention we know what the sex of the baby is? We found out Friday night while in the ER ;)

So, as you can probably understand, we didn't want to over-joy our friends and family with such amazing news until we made it to our second trimester and were a little further into the pregnancy. Of course our parents, closest friends, and co-workers know and have been a great support system for us. It's finally time to share our happiness with everyone else.

Stay tuned for more baby bump adventures.